[EMMA]: Oh darling. I’m afraid that’s a talent that’s extremely difficult to accquire.

[LORNA]: Oh! I can help. Dad taught me all about capes! The number one rule of sitting down with a cape is pushing it off to the side. But you have to remember to swish it around dramatically as you do so, because it’s all about style.

Dad used to say something about always looking like a classy motherfucker, and cape swishing is one of the most important parts of that apparently.

Anyway, I would suggest just pushing it off to the side!

[MAGNUS]: Like Lorna very astutely put it, my preferred method is having it off to the side while sitting. Sometimes, I will also curl some of the cape around my arm and hold it. The main thing to remember is to always be alert when wearing your cape, whether it be sitting or standing. The enemy will try to use it against you if you do not know how to handle it.

It’s actually quite simple. We are Homo Superior. Part of having superior genes is having superior physical qualities. It is a genetic advantage we have acquired thru many thousands of years of evolution.

This is also the same reason mutants will one day overtake baseline humanity. We look hot, and therefore have much higher probabilities of acquiring long-term mates for reproduction. Also, we work out.

-Magnus

and are slow at answering questions

sorry

Why thank you. The sex was fabulous. Are you reading this Scott? I hope so.

I haven’t the slightest idea why Scott is on that list. Apparently I need to work on my mind control a bit more, and then I would be able to end up convincing those Marvel editors (who have ridiculously stubborn minds by the way) that I am clearly number one on that list, and Scott comes dead last.

-Emma

Hey look Alex, people still care about us! See, I told you!

Basically, Alex doesn’t know how to drive this thing. We had to stop for repairs at an old Shi’ar patrol station, and Alex decided he wasn’t gonna fork out the money for a higher-grade warp drive. So it crapped out on us.

- POLARIS

Lorna, what are you talking about! You were the one who…

- HAVOK

Shut up. THE POINT IS, it’s gonna take a while before we even start seeing our solar system, so we honestly don’t know how long it’s gonna take.

- POLARIS

Scott, if you’re reading this, I left you like 46 messages, man! People need to know we’re still alive at least!

- HAVOK

Guys…guys, we’re out of toilet paper.

- MARVEL GIRL

PUNCH ‘EM IN THE GUT

-WOLVERINE

Uh, Logan, that may not be the best advice. Let me take over.

I would suggest telling him all about your dead ex-lover. This works extra well if he happens to look exactly like the aforementioned lover. Cry about it a bit, I’m sure that will win you some extra points!

-Cyclops

UGH, YOU TWO. Alright. Ignore those two losers and listen to me.

What I would do is invite him out to coffee or something, not on a date or anything, but just go somewhere where you can talk. Tell him how you feel (welllll, maybe not all the details, that depends on your situation) in terms that aren’t over the top. Explain that you think he’s a nice guy, maybe you want to get to know him better, you know the deal. Just try not to come off as too overly enthusiastic, or you might scare him a bit.

‘Course, what do I know, I seduced an older dude into dating me by being an annoying little teenager.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, situations vary, there’s no one way to do what you’re asking, since you know, everybody’s different.

-Kitty

I know it seems like a cape might be an inconvenience, but one of the main things that dad taught us all was how to look good in a cape while keeping it from being a hassle. I’ll never forget his number one rule, though: ENEMIES FIRST, CAPES SECOND.

You know, I’m not too sure what that actually means, but I think what he was trying to say was that although you always look stylish with a cape, your focus should be on fighting the enemy. Then he taught us how to fight our enemies while keeping the cape looking good. So I’m pretty good at keeping my cape free from debris and the like.

Although when I’m just doing my everyday chores and tasks, I tend to always close doors on my cape. Why didn’t you teach us about doors dad, WHY?

-Wanda

Hey bub,

Let’s see, top 3 healin’ factors, huh? Alright, well if we’re talkin’ strictly X-Men, I’d have to say James’s (Warpath) healing factor is pretty good considerin’. Now you’d expect me to say I’m the top dog here, but if I weighed all the options, I’d put myself second among the current X-Men. Laura’s healing factor is somethin’ I’ve never seen before, and I’ve seen a lot of stuff. She’s even told me I “heal too slow” during a fight once. Kid’s got guts, I’ll give her that.

So top 3 is lookin’ somethin’ like:

1.) Laura Kinney (X-23)

2.) Me

3.) James Proudstar (Warpath)

Of course, there are tons of us who could heal pretty damn fast when the situation calls for it. Kind of hard to know for sure.

As far as why Kurt isn’t around……..look, bub, I got enough to deal with here, don’t get me started on this @#$%. Kurt was my best friend. He’s the only one who ever really knew what I could be outside of a monster. The hole he left behind, it’s….it’s gonna take a while to heal.

Alright, I’m done Scott. So what do I do, just hit this button that says “Publish”?

- WOLVERINE